Screens

its sad,

how a screen lights more faces than the moon does

how a screen gets more smiles than a stranger

how a screen gets more attention, than our hearts

how a screen has more control, than our minds

how a screen is saved whilst friends hurt

how a screen shows photos whilst nature is unseen

how a screen is an escape from human interaction

how a screen is company to everyones lonely nights

how a screen eases fear, whilst eyes intimidate

how a screen allows kisses the lips won’t

how a screen says what tongues can’t

how a screen is the filter we talk with

how a screen is the filter we see with

how a screen is the filter we perfect with

how a screen has become our filter

how a filter has filtered life from us

how a screen has made filters life

and how life has become filtered screens.

Young Boy

“Day comes, its light reassuring
The nights sky busy; terrifying
He sit there trembling,
Poor little thing.
Faces around him clueless
Petrified and helpless.
Young boy of 5, taught to be brave
‘Dad, they’re bombing’
He dares misbehave
His mother tries her comforting voice
His fathers pride wont take that choice
‘Worst happens, we’re going to heaven’
The missile hits , collapsing things to bits
The boys small body pulls through
His parents gone, his sister too.
They’re with God. He wants to follow
Young man, brave, blinded with sorrow
Easily misled, handed an explosive belt.
Young man gave up on being felt.
New orphan full of despair,
Seeking vengeance in the next warfare.”

Green thoughts : Power

Power: a disease of the mind. Addictive; preoccupying the mind of what its actually meant to do. Built into the core of the ego. Even those who realise its poison try to avoid it, to be in power of themselves. Its a fucking dilemma. I mean all kinds of power, from President to a bus drivers control of his life and what comes his way, to a struggling relationship.

I try looking at it as power given to me, not that which I created through possession, but rather through giving and appreciating, not seeking more. Truly appreciate, there is always someone who is in circumstances worse than yours, always. Remember you’re blessed. Gratitude won’t lead you to doing or being anything other than good. Somehow the universe tends to reward you and give you power. At least thats how its working for me. Apparently its also one of the ways to ‘The Secret’.

You are on a never ending pursuit of purity and knowledge. You know you know nothing, but you could also be something, if it may and if you’re doing the right things.

These battles over power would end if we could all admit our nothingness, ultimately leading to a realisation of our wholesomeness and power within us, not that gained.

Midnight bullshit

Most us are scared shitless to the thought of being completely alone. No friends. no lovers, no texting, no social media, no books, no chats or social encounters, and if any, if necessary, were beyond brief and wouldn’t sum out to a couple of hours. (This doesn’t include educational documentaries.) For quite some time, i was completely alone. Lonely. It broke me, but i found myself.

I knew I was worthy of loving, and now, I never settle for anything less. The “being alone” that frightens us, is a trick of the minds. Being with yourself, forces you to listen to your soul at some point because your bored of the mind always having the spotlight. Then, they collaborate for a bit. You start wondering what the soul is. (This is where the pursuit for knowledge comes in). You evolve. You’re now incredible. And no one wants to leave you alone. People find you ecstatic. Your living a “full” life and you lose yourself again. Forgetting yourself, giving your energy to others and getting addicted to theirs. Too lazy to fill yourself up with your own. And you start going down the same loop again. Your mind convincing you to find yourself, the new you. Forgetting that you, will always be you, your soul, your essence, regardless of anything else. But thats the spiral of life.

One cycle after another. Sadly, to me, thats a bitter truth more than a calming one. Knowing all is ending, always.

Though, currently, I crave to find someone I can keep falling in and out of love with, as part of the cycle too.

I am still a romantic enough to believe in love being the one thing to conquer anything. It can break any cycle. As long as we merge our cycles together, not put one over the other, or create a new cycle together. Its pointless if we ever lose our cycles. I don’t want us to ever lose ourselves to each other, but rather, lose ourselves within one another.

Rant..

Lose yourself they say, thats when the raw substance comes out, thats when you show, thats where the soul expresses and the ego, the mind, the monkey mind shuts up and lets the soul and heart soar.

I used to write for comfort. He would anger me, he would fight with everyone and everything alive in the house and I would furiously sit down on my desk and write how life is miserable and of course let us not forget my famous F.L.L.F, which included the fucking of everything and everyone. Fuck Love Life Family. Fucking hell was I miserable… No, I was hurt and angry. And here I am again, sitting on my laptop, 5 days away from my masters, a 22 year old, and despite all the zen and mindfulness I practice, I am angry. I am angry with him, furious. Such an endless loop. Except now, I am angry that he angered me, because I choose not to be angry. We are not rock, we are not empty, we are not void, we are humans and I am a human because I feel and emotions exist. I am allowed to feel angry, so long as I know not to let it turn to pain. I don’t blame him anymore for not creating fierceness within me, but it does anger me that he tries to bring it down.

Now, this is a person with a lot of issues. If there were the darkest tinted lenses of perception of reality, he would be wearing it. Glasses, of course, passed down through parenthood and maybe because I choose to stomp on those legendary traditionally inherited glasses, am I frowned upon. I wear my roses as they wear their tears. What else symbolises agony. See, even these grey glasses, are imposed on you. “You see pink and unicorns” they say, with such pity in both in their eyes and words. But I am a romantic and proud. I find beauty and passion in everything. Not because I thrive for it, but because its there. I am not optimistic, I am not positive, I am realistic. Everything is bound to end, may I not enjoy the moments? Even if I know time and the loop are always in victory. I will not agonise myself in fear of pain nor will I search of it. I overlook it. I let the speck of sunlight make the day, despite the rain. See, Im not even all about happiness, I enjoy beauty.  I enjoy the ride of up and down. Life is beautiful. Every detail is.

I was about to start my dream. Law and in a UK university. There it was, awaiting. And there they were, panicking and worrying about my absurdity for not having every paper on hand. How could I be so certain everything would go smoothly before having a shield on every  vulnerable point. “God” I said. But they believed in no superpower that sheds your life with light. They were people with everything and saw nothing of it, but to be honest, they’re not so different than the rest of us, even though no one sees it.

I live in my world. Will you not even let me live in peace? Does every world need to be bombarded with war?

And through all this, I think of her. I think of her a lot.

Life is beautiful. Make your own life.

Hot Chocolate & Banana

Dear world, don’t be afraid

You’re perfect the way you are.

Like tumbleweed, mixed are our fears

There is only love and fear you see

Hate doesn’t even exist in the souls dictionary.

Your mind is yours

You control your thoughts and reality,

Control,power or fear of another, is an illusion

It won’t set you free.

The real power is to break your cage

Your pain is the bird awaiting to flee

Hurry please, before it turns into agony.

Our time is limited and the universes beauty is endless

Beauty only seen through the eyes of those living mindfully.

Appearance isn’t  the prescription to emptiness,

That delusion is the cause of this catastrophe

No King, no Kim is living in content

“Being You” is the only way to live peacefully.

Me.

Right, so before opening this website, this very blog and writing down these words, I was watching a video on confidence. You see, these days, out of nowhere, I get quite anxious around people, lacking confidence. Though I know, if I had a presentation about a certain topic, I would smash it. Heck, throughout university I winged all my presentations and got an A always on presentation skills. I gave of a confident vibe, and compared to the rest of the students, who came from a society that was mostly judgemental and so got very nervous, I guess I was. So I thought, in order to get over this problem, and express what I want to express, Ill vlog. Ill try to document myself just talking, and practice talking since Ive done so little of it lately. But then I realised, I can talk through typing words; through writing. I won’t write for the sake of writing, I’d rather speak in written words.

You see this strange new habit of change, in my very own personal traits started out a little over 6 months ago.

6 months ago, I became a little curious kid at home all day watching documentaries and or thinking about the world we live in. If I wasn’t watching documentaries, I was having conversations with people I’ve never met before, getting to know about their lives or debating about big topics on life like religion, philosophy, good and bad, perception, quantum physics, psychology, etc. Prior to that, I was going through a phase of “depression”. It was my first big heartbreak, I had faced a lot of backstabbing from friends, I had reconnected with my childhood and realised how it effected it, I was very stressed with university and disappointed in many ways. One thing led to another and I found myself on a spiritual path, if so to say. I experienced what it felt like to have the universe actually listen to you and guide you. I would think of a situation and it would happen the next day, I’d think of someone, they’d call, I’d want something, it would come to me, random strangers would reassure me about things on my mind. All so magically, I thought I was being delusional. Till strangers came up to me and told me about things like the law of attraction or the power of thought and strength of the soul, etc. Which were all things, unseen, intangible and scientific, yet unfortunately degraded when described as “spiritual”. I was in constant awe. I was amazed, overwhelmed and beyond grateful. I felt how of little importance we as humans are, yet how our egos try to become everything. Meanwhile, how we are the creators of our reality and can become what we chose, if we know how to do it. Regardless, the awe and astonishment took over and I found myself experiencing somewhat of an ego-death.

Uncontrollably, without realising some of it, I was stripped of everything I was. The bad temper, the anxiousness, the worry, the selfishness, the inability to immediately forgive, the fear of judgement, the distraction and fulfilment through the material, all gone. And just as I had lost my bad habits, I had lost the good too. I became quite. I forgot how to write like I used to, because all I wanted to write about was the beauty and power of the universe, and to explain that alone was difficult, not to mention the overwhelming beauty of it. But here I am, actually properly talking about it for the first time. I wasn’t confident when first getting to know someone sometimes, but I sure as hell was confident about what I knew and experienced. I knew a lot about it, I tried to gain as much knowledge as I could, on various aspects of life, and I knew the difference between an opinion and a fact. I just needed to not be intimidated that I knew too little. Most times, I actually surprised myself by teaching people I thought would teach me, yet I still know nothing.

“A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.” – William Shakespeare

Back then, when I thought I was a know it all, wise, smart and intelligent, I was confident. Now, I knew I know nothing. There is yet so much to know. Knowledge is an infinite sea.

Scatters

Heres my story.

I am a 22 year old. I am overwhelmed. You see, apparently I was asleep. I lived in a low level of consciousness, as do most. Now, every day experiences for me are different, along with this “higher state of consciousness “.

A mix of both good and bad experiences led me this way, but all were bound to happen, I understand that now, understanding the meaning of fate. Yet, there is also this understanding of me creating my reality. Realising oneself, and knowing that knowing thyself and its origins results with this sort of connection with the universe, where what you truly desire, isn’t within far reach as nothing is impossible.

I am about to start my masters degree in Law a few weeks from now. Just after I turn 22. I will officially be in an actual proper UK university, alone, widening my horizons through further experiences, all along the path of discovering what I actually want to do and if it involves this state of mind, the experiments with in it and if the previous “mystical” experiences of my path will lead up to anything at all. It was a dream of mine to study Law. A dream that delayed itself and seemed impossible. Now, its actually happening.

I don’t know what the next chapter will hold for me, but I know it’ll be significant regardless. One dream starting to happen, queuing are the infinite rest.

You see, dreams can be simple too. Like a cup of coffee with a loved one. Or a warm sun on a cold day.

They’re all sensational.

Society

” Like me. Like me. Please like me. Comment on my status, like my photos. Because if you like me, I will like me. Approve of me and accept me. Friend, best friend or stranger, judge me and tell me of my pros. Tell me my pros and watch me smile. Satisfy me. Use your standards to base your final verdict for and of me. I know too little of myself. Tell me more? What kind of person am I? What is my life?

Tell me who I am. Tell me what is life. Tell me what is beauty. And if I disobey or disapprove, tell me Im absurd, tell me I’m weird, tell me I dream too big, penalty me an insecurity. I’ll take it and believe you. Im incomplete.  Im in your hand anyway. Laugh at what I say, think or feel and show me your way instead. Because your way is the way.

Tell me of what is right and wrong, tell me of what happiness and success are. Tell me whats beautiful. Tell me whats love and compassion.  I know nothing. I know not of myself, I know not of my heart, I know not of life, I know not of anything. Think for me. Think for me and Ill obey and follow. Follow you and I’ll be like you. You’ll like my photos and comment on my statuses. ” – 99% of a society

 

Words.

Cold mornings,

Tea and laptop on a wooden desk.

Humid dim office.

Silent mobile and still atmosphere.

The sound of tires rolling on the wet pavement.

London.

Mind, spirit and heart, one.

Energy centered.

Smoke and fresh air prefered.

6 more hours to go. 6 more hours to go.

Tea is bitter.

But energy centered, energy centered.